Lightriser09 is the gods' solution to Darkriser, however, he spends most of his days soliciting gay sex and West Hollywood bathhouses, for he is a candy-ass roody-poo.

He is known as the "Swallower of worlds", partly pecause of his reputation at the bathhouses, but mostly because he ate China. He is now the world's largest sweatshop, boasting over 2 billion residents.

Despite his status as a factory and his filatious record, he is flat broke. He has spent every dime of his money on Chocolate Cake. He believes that the cakes speak to him, and have told him to kill the Dutch. He has trouble getting around, being a factory, so he simply sits in his large plot of land, scheming against the Dutch.